The little self is full of irrational fear. It uses those fears to keep us playing it small and to stay in isolation. I had to face one of those fears head on recently, while on holiday in Crete.
I had been to Crete before, many years ago when I was pregnant with my youngest. My then partner and I travelled across the island in the North-South direction which meant crossing the mountains. We travelled by bus on serpentine roads where we often hovered at the edge of very steep drops. I remember clinging to my seat and nearly losing my mind with fear. We made it there – and back – of course, or I wouldn’t be here writing this.
The memory of this horror stuck with me in the same way that the memory of my fear of flying for many years prevented me from enjoying travelling anywhere and, once again, the fear was related to pregnancy… My first pregnancy in this instance. I actually used to enjoy flying and feeling the power of the engines at take-off. When I fell pregnant the first time, it was like flipping a coin. My enjoyment turned to terror and this terror remained with me for 25 years… until this summer and my most recent flight to Crete.
It seemed six months of daily meditations had paid off. I managed to stay centred in feelings of peace and love during the whole flight and I felt so happy, relieved and yes – let’s be honest – proud of myself for finally having overcome this fear which I thought might stay with me for a lifetime.
Yet, for some reason, in the back of my head, there was a little voice in my head that said ‘Don’t go back up those mountains.’ I even told my husband as much and he promised we’d stick to flat rides on the motorbike we’d hired for this holiday. However, not being familiar with the terrain, we ended up in a place where we had to go up a serpentine route to get to a beach we had planned on visiting.
This happened during one of the hottest days of our holiday. The temperature had risen to 36 degrees and I had not meditated in the morning before we set off. My defences were down. I had taken a holiday from my Higher Self which turned out to not be wise… but it did turn into a valuable lesson.
Going up this windy road and facing some sheer drops, I found the fear growing rapidly and, to my great consternation, there was nothing I could do to stop it. It developed into a full-blown panic attack and I started hyperventilating. It had been many years since I found myself in such a disempowered state, because even before I got really disciplined about my daily meditation practice, I had found ways of staying under some semblance of control.
This experience of going up the mountain blew my cover and that was – oddly – a good thing. It turned out that it was my little self that didn’t want to go up that mountain and it was my Higher Self that was able to heal the fear.
We stopped in a small village and I was still hyperventilating at this stage. My breath gradually slowed down and after a good cry, I surrendered to Source and vowed to never ever take a holiday from my daily reconnection. Lisa is a wonderful human being but without being hooked up, she is pretty feckless and that is the truth of it. Sometimes, we have to climb really high to put things in perspective, so I’m glad I did.
Going back down, I was all prayed up and didn’t even feel a flicker of fear. What?! Some might call that a miracle. I know I would.
The payout from this experience was big. It means daily communion with angels. It means a life radically altered. It means no going back. My old life and habits have ceased to interest me. The things I see and hear unlock themselves to me at much deeper levels now.
The paradox is that to be sovreign we have to surrender deeply. Our power comes from God… and no, I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about a real relationship with the living Source of All, by whatever name you know this Source.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.Matthew 6:33
Love & Light,
PS. I almost forgot to mention… ‘Hot Seat’ from the Tantric Dakini oracle is our weekly theme card. You can catch my thoughts on this card, along with the daily video Tarot guidance reading HERE.